Monday, April 13

Lost

We all rush after the beauty and sparkle of the ordinary things in live. We go to a shopping centre and see this piece and that thing and everything so artificial, manufactured and put there to get us spell bound. Yes, do not get me wrong, there are certain things that we need, some things that in it`s design form and function that is a piece of art. But those are usually for the few who truly understand them. It is like looking at a piece of Art. You can judge or critique it, but what is it that the artist is portraying. Is it a master piece due to technique, or is it the message that is being translated to us, or is it both? There is a very fine line between these things, and the majority of the worlds population just cannot see this. They look at art and wonder why, they cannot grasp the complex yet simpleness of it. Is it so hard to let your inner walls down, and entertain a thought only to eventually broaden and make yourself a better person, more diverse and interesting in nature. Not only that, but more educated as well. Not just running after everyday things, and one being money, and fame and all these unnecessary things we are exposed to.

I took a walk, and found a different world around me. I walked away from home, into a field with tall grass. There was a sense of fear in me, cause I didn`t know what to expect beyond the tall grass and trees. So I entered this cluster of trees, and suddenly felt I have a vantage point, and I felt safe for a moment. Surrounded by nothing, yet in this cluster of dense branches the sun was dancing around on the floor and I felt completely separated from everything else that bothers me. I wanted to take this feeling with me, just being me and clear of thought, purely enjoying the moment and having nothing to worry about. The warmth of the sun on my skin, and the sound of leaves rattling in the wind.

Walking back home, cars and people once again intruded and made me weary. Coming home, there was people and the irritating noise of voices and televisions and a heavy feeling coming over me. I cannot escape it, this cold and hard feeling of death and decay. It is killing me slowly, and finding me to become lost in it. If I need out, then it was now. But as all thing happen, nothing is instantly achievable. For me to find my own sanctuary and a place of quiet to turn to and let my thoughts wonder, this I accept is all part of settling in again, turning my back on this world, and finding myself again. My soul feels empty, and I can only wait. Wait for the day my soul can be relieved from all this evil and corruption, and misery.

I wish for a day where I can say: "I am me again, not judged by this world, nor involved in anything that drags my soul down and binds it to a pole exposed to the misery of this world. I can be free and live beautifully to be happy and content in my soul." Maybe to share this with someone else, but to know that we will do it as one. I have been through enough heartache and moments of bare lust, driving away anything that is humane, and causing my heart to harden every single time. It is like wearing a jacket, and every time you rub against something and it leaves a dirt mark, adding up as you walk. And at the end of the day, you are filthy and in dire need of a new jacket.