Tuesday, November 25

Durban (continued)

The City Hall in Durban CBD and a view from the new peer in Umhlanga Rocks north of Durban City.

There is Only Now

I have thought that it is impossible for me to feel any form of love.
Meaning a heart warming experience, something that creates the feeling of security and being safe. For the past few
weeks gone by, I could say I might have come accross this feeling. It is yet to sink in, at this stage it all feels like a dream.
My dreams are becoming positive, I see beauty in things I use to, and I have become more aware observing my thoughts. Discovering once again the feeling
of excitement and courage. I only wish that in this new found confidence, I do not come accross as arrogant or harsh. I have always been someone
to bend my ways to suit others, yet I sometimes find myself consumed for days by my wondering thoughts. Thus sometimes making me anti-social, causing
me to shut down from this world. But at the same time, I can get so inspired by those thoughts, it would be as watching a blind person paint the
most beautiful picture. Or a deaph man compose a masterpiece never to be heard. I might be intreaged by the philosophy of existentialism, yet some
days I find myself converting to an optimist. Only to find the facts of being and humanity to creep back and cause my leaves to turn brown and fade, and fall off.
Is this going to happen again, in so many ways I am scared, to face the truth, to live my destiny. But I am changing that, moving on to a place I know
I belong. I was not put here to be used, abused and live in fear. I know that there is a time to scream, and a time for silence. A time of faith has come to me,
and I don`t know if I can handle the outcome ever. As this world is not my home, and its infected ways, causing decay in every way thinkable.
There is only now, and the time is now.

Tuesday, November 4

.time with my violin reflecting my loved one.

spend some time
with me and the violin.
with words and notes,
with tongues and fingers,
with eyes and skin.

with you gracefully,
with sounds and melodies,
with warmth and sensitivity,
with the deep stare,
the longing of my heart racing.

with nothing but the saddened smile of the moon
with dim light kissing the ocean while cradling
with mother of pearl foam on our face spitting
for time is a small death if I don't see thee soon

and nothing but the blazing sun,
the only comfort is the trickle of a stream
to cool down my burning desire,
I wish to come to my love this day.

yet as the day progress in it`s maturity,
I find myself dying like the wilting flower in the field.
hanging my head wishing for the comfort of rain.
Do come hastily, treading on the dry ground,
to find they comfort consumed by myself.

Come, scream, lonesome beam
strings of violins pierce my loins,
but I offer thee my spleen, while my heart groans
yet I find rest in the breast of the moon

I will sing to the moon,
my lonesome song of tradgedy,
my piercing song of sorrow,
to find in it only the zest of my desire.