There is Only Now

I have thought that it is impossible for me to feel any form of love.
Meaning a heart warming experience, something that creates the feeling of security and being safe. For the past few
weeks gone by, I could say I might have come accross this feeling. It is yet to sink in, at this stage it all feels like a dream.
My dreams are becoming positive, I see beauty in things I use to, and I have become more aware observing my thoughts. Discovering once again the feeling
of excitement and courage. I only wish that in this new found confidence, I do not come accross as arrogant or harsh. I have always been someone
to bend my ways to suit others, yet I sometimes find myself consumed for days by my wondering thoughts. Thus sometimes making me anti-social, causing
me to shut down from this world. But at the same time, I can get so inspired by those thoughts, it would be as watching a blind person paint the
most beautiful picture. Or a deaph man compose a masterpiece never to be heard. I might be intreaged by the philosophy of existentialism, yet some
days I find myself converting to an optimist. Only to find the facts of being and humanity to creep back and cause my leaves to turn brown and fade, and fall off.
Is this going to happen again, in so many ways I am scared, to face the truth, to live my destiny. But I am changing that, moving on to a place I know
I belong. I was not put here to be used, abused and live in fear. I know that there is a time to scream, and a time for silence. A time of faith has come to me,
and I don`t know if I can handle the outcome ever. As this world is not my home, and its infected ways, causing decay in every way thinkable.
There is only now, and the time is now.